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Bella Mondos Magazine - Beautiful Worlds. Home for aspiring artists.
Road Rage can be Beneficial!




Many people frown on road rage but I'm here to tell you it has it's benefits! I drive about 2 hours a day, sometimes more and not a day goes by that I don't see good examples of how road rage would be beneficial. I’ve a pretty good imagination so I get by with imagining what I’d like to do to them.

Everyone get's mad at other drivers from time to time. I'm going to list the major grievances in order of importance to me.

Women on cell phones. See many guy’s on cell phones? It's freakin rare lemme tell ya. But women? They have this whole thing down pat with the cell to the ear, head bent. Driving 3 mph UNDER the speed limit while gently bobbing back and forth. Usually in one direction with corrections. Your afraid to pass them because you don't know if that reflexive correction will take them into your path as you pass. Women definitely need cell phone implants because it's impossible for them to drive without talking on one. For this type of road rage recipient you need an emp gun. Zap them and their car as you get close and watch them coast off the road as everything stops. Gleefully notice the dazed and confused look on their faces as their life connection to their cell is severed and they go into instant withdrawals, usually followed by convulsions.

The elderly driving 10 mph under the speed limit. I try to understand this one. After all, In a couple decades or so I'll be right there in their shoes. I usually pass them quickly and have no problems because their so paranoid about driving they constantly hit their brakes for every little thing. Driveways, side streets, blowing leaves, butterflys ….. You name it. I wait for that inevitable breaking action every hundred yards and quickly zip by them. No road rage action is necessary for this type because it's way to easy to get around them. They ALWAYS break.

Then there's the assholes. You know the ones I'm talking about. You pull into a turn lane and the asshole coming in the other direction lay's down on his horn and keeps at it until he's a good 50 feet pass you. I think the low mentality of these types feel that somehow you'll be impressed with their quick reflexes in hitting that horn. Dunno. I'm sure not but I do know that drastic road rage action is necessary. I mean, some people just shouldn't be allowed to breed, or continue on the road. For this you need a nice little rocket delivery system mounted on your trunk with the words “ASS H***” boldly emblazoned across the warhead. Works for me.

Of course we can't forget about the tourists. Every city has them. They're the ones you see driving down the blvd., break suddenly for a turn and STOP! As you wait to get around them cussing under your breath and eventually are able to pass you see they have a city map spread out in front of them across the dash and steering wheel trying to figure out if this is the right turn or not. Jeez. Not a whole lot we can do about them. We need their tourist dollars.

The last one I find annoying are the pet owners. They’re the ones with 2 ankle biters bouncing around inside the vehicle like a school of finches in a small cage. Actually your not exactly sure there’s only 2 because it’s so busy inside there it would easily be 6 or 8. The solution? A nice long rifle with scope mounted to the hood of your car. You take aim and start sending the little biters to doggie heaven.

Like I said. Road rage can be therapeutic.

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